God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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