I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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