is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
