I love watching others lives come down to our level.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
