He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
