i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
you will always have a special place in my vag
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize