i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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