dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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