Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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