Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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