he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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