real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize