You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Randomize
