To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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