Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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