I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
