What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
