I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
