if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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