i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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