Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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