theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
