Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
