You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
