I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
