so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
