Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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