i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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