I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
