i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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