Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
