dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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