TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
