The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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