he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
