dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
