i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
