I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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