are you still at the devil's house?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
