Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
