k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
