I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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