Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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