hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
