just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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