I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
