Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
