What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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