I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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