found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
