I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
