I looked at my own cervix.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
