Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
