i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
