I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
