Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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