He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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