You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize