Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Randomize
