and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
