My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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