ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
