I molested 6 butterflies tonight
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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