If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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