when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm sobbing to NWA
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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